I remember when everything was simple.....when the hardest decision i had to make in a day was which color i wanted to use to paint the picture that would eventually end up on the door of the refridgerator.

Why does growing up have to mean everything gets harder? Everything becomes more intense...

The pain....the pain becomes more intense with every second that i breathe. I wake up and there are needes stuck to my eyelids. I shower and the water scalds me. I try to love and my heart bursts, violently into shards that stick out of my chest...exposed for the rest of the wold to gawk at and poke...just making the pain worse.

Its moments like these that i find myself shouting to the heavens multiple times a day, "I just don't know God! I DON'T KNOW! ....i try so hard...."

I tell myself to get over it....and i thought i was over it...but then the act that was supposed to get rid of it for good turned into a catalyst, making the pain that much more real.

The needles have blinded me. The water no longer scalds, it melts my skin away. The wounds from the shards of heart have become infected, and ooze a mixture of pus, blood, and rotted veins.

The only person in the world who can heal these wounds....the nurse...i scream at her for help...but she doesn't even hear me. She cant. Shes deafened by the screaming of my sister in the bed next to me. My sister is hurt... blood everywhere...maybe even hurt worse than me, i can't really tell. One of her hands is held by her boyfriend, and he clutches on refusing to let go. The other hand held by the nurse, trying as best as she can to put together my broken sister.

So here i am...so insanely jelous of my sister. She's being fixed. Yet the nurse doesn't even notice me.

"FUCK HER!" i scream at the nurse, "Her boyfriend is there! Make him do it. MAKE HIM FIX HER!" But she doesn't move. She doesn't even hear me. Yet, we both know the boyfriend couldn't fix a damn thing. He can comfort, yes....but nothing would be fixed.....

So i lay in that goddamn hospital bed, bleeding out....all to save her. But she deserves it....She's the better person. She deserves the nurs's attention more than me. And i love her.

I really need to stop sucking at this whole Xanga thing...

So spring break officially starts in 41 hours and 50 minutes....and I CANNOT WAIT!!! OMFG!!!

Start it off with work on friday night...not my ideal way to start spring break but hey it works. all of you having a fun and exciting friday night should come and visit me! its one of my bosses last night, which means she will be willing to give away a lot of icecream. (and i'm getting her job! FINALLY!)

next, meeting up with some of my fav. people in the world at church at 6:30 in the morning, and trucking down to austin for Fester and Kayla's wedding. i am sooo excited about this, i haven't seen fester since last summer!!! FESTER, I AM INFINITELY HAPPY FOR YOU!!!

coming back saturday night, and sunday, i leave w/ dad and brad and bunches of other to go to colorado and spend the week on the ski slopes! AAAAHHHHHHH! i'm so fucking excited!

Tomorrow night is the band concert. Y'all should all come. Concert starts at 7:00pm and the lineup is

• Drumline
• Jazz Band
• 3rd Band
• 2nd Band
• 1st Band

and we should all go get ice cream or something afterward. sound good? yes? sweet, see you there.

oh yeah, i'm going to edgefest along with some other really cool people. (including my two most favoritest females)

here's some super cool random pictures to entertain you.

This is me. I'm actually Batman.

And this is me w/ an afro. A-Tractive.

This is the Kansas Orgy. me and a bunch of people i don't know.....and Claire.

For those of you who didn't come see Forum....you suck balls. Here i am, trying to tell Grant that its a girl, not a strange little boy...

And there I am in a wig and a dress, being seduced by grant. Now you're really sorry you didn't come aren't you! WELL YOU SHOULD BE!

And finally, me and claire be amazingly cute. you know you're jealous.

The end.

wow....it's been almost a month since i've updated...

a lot has happened. Forum opened this weekend, and that went amazingly well. if you haven't come to see it, be sure to check it out next weekend.

auditions for UIL and student directed are tomorrow, and shakespeare competition on tuesday...

claire and i leave for Kansas in about 2 weeks.

mid-winter in three weeks.

gotten closer to some friends....

spend a little toomuch money...

enjoyed life.

3 guesses as to what i should be doing right now.....

now, 3 guess as to what i'm not doing right now...

that's right kids....HOMEWORK.

but that's ok. i'm much more content sitting here, eating leftover fried chicken, and thinking about the day ahead of me, as well as the next few months....and well hell...the next year.

I AM STOKED.

 no really guys, 2007 is going to be one hell of a year! and i'm hoping for the summer of a lifetime, as well as the most amazing senior year anyone has ever experienced. but for now...let's keep our eyes on the short term....

• Forum
• Kansas (that's right kids, Claire and i are going to kansas....ALONE!!!)
• mid winter
• solo and ensamble
• BOWLING FOR SOUP CONCERT!!!
• A new semester...a fresh start
• UIL/student directed plays

i don't think the next month or two could look any better. now...let's just hope it stays that way.

i am going to cry....

i have no idea how i'm going to get my ass up out of bed on monday morning....

this break has been a Godsend. i feel so exhausted from anything and everything school related. it makes life no fun when you go to school, come home, and do homework, then go to bed. (however, a rehearsal for Forum thrown in every now and then makes it all more bareable.)

Same Song

Different Verse.

A Little Bit Faster

And A Whole Lot Worse.

we're only learning what other people decide we "need" to know... Fact: if we don't want to learn it, we hate it. and it only makes it harder to learn.

i'm ready to be done. get me the hell out of dodge.....now.